Authored by Deborah Simmons, PhD, LMFT
As a member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, I provide psychoeducation for people who seek to conceive a baby with a gestational carrier, also known as a surrogate. My colleague, Sharon LaMoth, owner of Infertility Answers, Inc., wrote this article recently for East Coast Fertility. There are definitely rules that can make third party reproduction safe and a life-giving experience. My advice? Take your time and do your due diligence about all necessary psychological, legal, and medical steps. They are part of this extraordinary journey. Do you have questions about the emotions of fertility treatment? Just give me a call at 763-546-5797. I am here to help.
Intended Parents who are considering surrogacy to complete their family, Gestational or Traditional, independently should do their research before making this life changing decision. Often times, when trying to cut financial corners and when desperation and vulnerability are a part of the picture, some Intended Parents may find themselves in a courtroom fighting for their baby just because one (or more) of these top 10 mistakes were made. Although some of these tips seem to be common sense, others may not have been a thought until it's too late. Most Intended Parents think they are saving money by not hiring a consultant or an agency but the harsh reality is that they spend more money and time in the long run then they save.
Top 10 Don'ts When Planning a Surrogacy Arrangement
10) Don't work with a woman under the age of 21
9) Don't work with a woman who has never given birth to a child of her own
8) Don't use a contract downloaded from the Internet with no legal guidance
7) Don't use the sperm from an ex boyfriend
6) Don't work with a Surrogate who lives in a state that makes "commercial surrogacy contracts" unenforceable
5) Don't 'do' in-home inseminations
4) Don't have the compensation payments to your surrogate come directly from you-use an escrow agent/account
3) Don't forget to pay all the bills regarding the surrogacy and pregnancy in a timely manner
2) Don't have your surrogate stay with you for more then a week if at all possible (offer a hotel or condo nearby)
1) Don't forget or forgo the Psychological Evaluation
Even if all of these mistakes are avoided any surrogacy arrangement will still offer its own unique challenges. It's always a good idea to have periodic meetings with a psychologist or mental health professional who is an expert in Third Party Family Building and can guide both the Intended Parents and their Surrogate throughout the pregnancy, birth and for at least six weeks after leaving the hospital. The best case scenario is to hire a full service agency.