Brought to you by Lois Fischer, MA, LMFT

If your marriage is having problems, you shouldn't wait too long to seek professional help.

From some recent reading I've done, in addition to my own experience in working with couples, I am sharing some  information on what type of couple gets the most from marriage counseling and what type of couple receives the least from marriage counseling.

Answer These Questions:

•    Did you marry at an early age?
•    Are you in an inter-faith marriage?
•    Did your parents divorce?
•    Do you criticize one another?
•    Is there a lot of defensiveness in your marriage?
•    Do you tend to withdraw from one another?
•    Do you feel contempt for one another?

If you answered "yes" to most of these questions, then you are statistically a higher risk for divorce than couples who have realistic expectations of one another and their marriage, communicate well, use conflict resolution skills, and are compatible with one another.

The Effectiveness of Marriage Counseling

A study by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) shows that families do want therapy and place a high value on the experience.

What Type of Couple Gets the Most From Marriage Counseling?
Answer:

•    Young couples.
•    Non-sexist couples.
•    Couples who are still in love.
•    Couples who are open to therapy and change.

What Type of Couple Receives the Least from Marriage Counseling?

Answer:
•    Couples who wait too long before seeking help.
•    Marriages with one or the other spouse set on getting a divorce.
•    Married individuals who are closed to any suggestions that may save the marriage.

Solutions Learned From Happy Couples

Dr. John Gottman's research looks at happy couples for solutions. He has discovered that even though all couples experience conflict in their marriages, happy couples apparently know how to handle their disagreements because of a foundation of affection and friendship.

Unhappy couples do not have this skill.

Gottman's research suggests that the goal of couple therapy needs to change. Rather than trying to change marriages, he thinks counselors should teach communication skills to couples.

Don't Wait
If you think your marriage is in trouble, do not wait.  Call Lois Fischer for an appointment at 763-546-5797 and get your relationship back on track.  

Dr. Deborah Simmons will be speaking on "Lessons in Love" with the St. Paul Mothers of Multiples club on February 10, 2011 at 8 pm.  Anyone with lovely lessons to share is welcome to email at Dr. Simmons at info@pih-mpls.com or share them on Facebook at "Partners in Healing of Minneapolis." 

At their recent wedding, my niece and her new husband included a beautiful poem by Mr. Fred Rogers (yes, that Mr. Rogers), in the ceremony called "It’s You I Like".  Can you say that you like yourself?  Need some help with that?  Partners in Healing offers individual, couples, and family therapy.  Give us a call at 763-546-5797. 

It's You I Like

by Fred M. Rogers

It's you I like,
It's not the things you wear,
It's not the way you do your hair--
But it's you I like.
The way you are right now,
The way down deep inside you--
Not the things that hide you,
Not your toys--
They're just beside you.

But it's you I like--
Every part of you,
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings
Whether old or new.
I hope that you'll remember
Even when you're feeling blue
That it's you I like,
It's you yourself,
It's you, it's you I like.

It's You I Like
By Fred M. Rogers
© 1970